Ok, another little tongue in cheek look at my life from another friends perspective. Hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

"ROCKAWAY, NJ—Manic-depressive Bill S. may be a "total drag for months on end," but he is "a blast" while in his manic state, friends of the troubled BSS employee said Monday.

Bill S., diagnosed with manic depression three years ago by psychiatrists at Mount Zion Mental Health Center, has suffered from the disorder since high school. His condition causes him to experience cyclical bouts of prolonged depression followed by spells of mania, characterized by irrational feelings of elation, delusions of grandeur, and boundless energy. It is in this heightened state, friends say, that Bill S. is awesome.

"Sometimes, Bill can be a real downer," said co-worker Margaret. "He'll hole up in his room, and if you try to talk to him, all he does is bitch, bitch, bitch. But once you get to know him better, you see that he's got this totally wild-and-crazy, life-of-the-party side, too. When that comes out, everybody's all like, 'All right! The ol' Billster we know and love is back!'"

According to friends, the manic version of Bill S. possesses many fun, attractive qualities. These include his propensity for outrageous, elaborately choreographed table-top dance numbers at bars and restaurants, his ability to go without sleep for up to 72 hours at a time during spur-of-the-moment road trips, and his wildly generous spending sprees, during which he lavishes friends with expensive gifts in spite of his massive debt.

Friends also enjoy watching Bill S. cut loose on one of his wild, stream-of-consciousness rants.

Compounding his manic episodes, Bill S. will often neglect to take his daily dose of mood-stabilizing medication, believing he doesn't need it.

"Bill got so down last winter, he started taking heavy doses of antidepressants," Reynolds said. "I was really worried about him, but he recently told me he's gotten so much better, he no longer needs artificial substances to be happy. He says he's off the pills and high on life. What a great new attitude. It's hard to believe there was a time when he was so bummed out, he didn't eat any solid food other than Doritos for a month."

Though Bill S.'s friends describe him as "moody," "excitable," and "a little psycho," most are unaware of the seriousness of his condition. According to his therapist, Dr. Howard Wenger, this is due to a combination of the shame manic-depressives like Bill S. feel about revealing their illness and the public's lack of knowledge about the condition.

"Me? I'm fine," Bill S. said. "In fact, I'm so far beyond fine as to be essentially perfect. I would go so far as to say that I am the most perfect being ever to walk God's green earth. Hey, who wants pizza? I'm buying. No, wait—Chinese. No, wait—sushi. No, wait—where are my car keys? I feel like driving 100 miles an hour around the parking lot of that abandoned screen-door factory at the edge of town. Let's blast some Andrew W.K. and scream at the top of our lungs until dawn."
"Hey, world, look at me, I'm the King of Siam!" added Bill S., before collapsing to the floor in a state of physical and emotional exhaustion."

Written By fellow CC member and my good friend "Roscoe" 6/05/03

Footnote: Some people have far too much time on their hands.